dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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