Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just want nice things and good sex
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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