How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
