You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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