Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
