dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
