AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
