first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize