Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
