Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
