so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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