I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
