This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
