your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
