I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
