you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
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I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
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He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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