Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I will pee on everything he values.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
