I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
