last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize