My brain says no but my pants say off.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
