maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
