I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
