so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize