I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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