he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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