I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
