the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
