Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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