Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
