He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
