Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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