You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
