were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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