Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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