at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
