i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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