She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
