His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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