there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
