It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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