tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
