We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
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He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
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Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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