Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
