Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
just found out that she named her cat after me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
