Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
