apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
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I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
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I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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