omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
