My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So squirting runs in the family.
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Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
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PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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