How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
