yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
