shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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