I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
