fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
