you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
That's an oxymoron.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
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Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing