my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
