I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
